Family first

Ever since we were blessed with the arrival of our oldest child almost 12 years ago (!), I’ve thought of myself as a family man. I care deeply about the wellbeing of my family, and have tried to put them at the top of the priority list. I think I did a pretty good job of it for the most part. But as much as I would say that family was first, honestly I was putting my career at the top of the priority list. 

I have this tendency to go deep and get very intense when I’m working. I’ll get into a project and pour everything into it. Work will keep me up at night and I stay very focused during waking hours to solve problems and build for the future. 

This behavior is great while I am away during the 9-5 hours. But the problem is that my head kept tinkering on the work challenges even during family time. I might have been physically present during dinner with the family, but I wasn’t particularly engaging in the conversation. Outwardly, I must have come off as a passive observer, while inside I was actively noodling on a problem or challenge or a plan...

For years, I justified this behavior as putting family first - after all, bringing in a paycheck is for the benefit for the family. Right?!

But really, my behavior was putting my job at the top of the list, with a distant second for my family, and personal time after that.

So around the time I turned 40 (suffering through a midlife crisis?), I took a long, hard look at my priorities: what were my intentions vs my reality? I realized my priorities were actually all wrong. And that started my personal journey to get to today: just a few weeks before we head on a round-the-world trip as a family. It was my answer to put family first - to truly be present, revel in new experiences together. To develop our emotional intelligence together. To take a step back and find moments to teach, geek out on history with the kids, play with the kids because it just pops out spontaneously, and just enjoy each other more...

Yes - work is still important and will be a part of my life on this trip. But I’ve spent time over the last 6 months to compartmentalize work instead of compartmentalize family. Breaking down tasks into 30-90 minute chunks, and then negotiating with the family for the space to get work done…around the family. As opposed to spreading family time around work.

The Techstars network - to which I am grateful for countless opportunities - talks about a culture of give first. This principle is noble and creates an amazing network of proactive, supportive entrepreneurs. 

I intend to make this trip about family first. I hope we can foster an amazing adventure with engaged, supportive family members.